Why do girls let themselves get used by guys?

Jgwink asked:


Ok, first off I’m a guy. I suppose I’m not your typical guy, in the fact that I am very chivalrous. I have always been brought up to treat women with utmost respect. I suppose this is also why this issue in particular bugged me enough to actually create an account specifically for the purpose of asking this question.

So why do girls let themselves get repeatedly used by guys? Several close female friends of mine are victimized by guys on a regular basis and despite warnings, and several long talks they always seem to fall back into the same pattern of behavior.

To elaborate a bit, one girl is verbally abused by her boyfriend who is a regular pot smoker that can at any moment turn a regular situation into a confrontation. Threats of violence towards her and others are a common occurrence when she is with him. He has also cheated on her more times then I can remember.

The other is simply a booty call. She has had a “relationship” with this particular guy since high school and she is consistently called for the sole purpose of sex. This guy is a known “player” and actually manages to keep about 3 girls just like her in rotation and at his backing call for precisely the same reason. She is of course aware of this and has been told by many people of the situation, however she remains conveniently oblivious when approached about the situation directly. This guy is as vile as they come and has actually called her, asked if she was on her period and after receiving the answer “no,” picked her up for obvious reasons.

They just don’t seem to get it. I myself am studying to be a psyche minor. I also have friend who is studying to be a psyche major she is also a mutual friend to the girls. However, we cant seem to really gain any solid ground despite many long talks about the situation both with the girls and amongst ourselves. We want to help them desperately but, every-time it ends up with them saying they are either “done with him” or just flat out denying them have had any recent contact despite overwhelming evidence they have. Typically I would ask my psyche professor about this, but she is on vacation in the poconos and is out of contact for at least another week.

We’re both just about at wits end with this situation, the girls both seem unwilling to help themselves despite our attempts at counseling. They often shut us out before we can actually break it down to the root of the problem. What makes them think this type of behavior is ok? Who put it in their head that it’s alright to get treated badly repeatedly? They really are great girls and they definitely deserve better but for some reason they don’t seem to realize it. I would love to get some outside opinions on this. Also, if anyone could possibly provide a psychological study on this matter it would be much appreciated as this seems to be less of an isolated incident and more of an epidemic amongst girls I have met. With as many cases as I have witnessed there must be a recurring trend.
If I could also ask those of you who have actually been through a similar relationship / situation share you’re feelings at that time? Maybe elaborate on what made you feel so innadiquate? This is a very perplexing situation and I’d like to have as much background as possible so that I may be able to find the root of the problem.

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